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Self-Awareness is Grand: Here’s How & Why You Should Gain It


Here's the thing: you can't start living your best life until you've figured out what that life looks like. Self-awareness is the key to understanding how to position yourself in the world in order to live your most authentic life. This makes it one of the main components of the Stoic Optimizer philosophy.

Why Is Self-Awareness Important?

Consider this: you have the perfect life you've always wanted. As you're preparing to sail off into the sunset, you expect to be elated, but instead there's this nagging feeling deep down asking you "Is this all?"

If you're thinking "this can't ever be me", look back towards a huge milestone you reached that didn't satisfy you as you'd hoped. Not one of those that have you begging for higher highs (that's just the hedonic treadmill) - one of those that made you want to be someone else entirely. 

This sinking feeling you can't really put your finger on is likely due to a mismatch between who you really are (and by this I mean who you are when you've reached your full potential) and the goals you've set for yourself. The cure for this malaise is self-awareness

Quote by Zeno of Citium on a background with David by Michelangelo

The Ancients recognized the value of self-awareness - the inscription on the pronaos of the Temple of Apollo in Delphi remains memorable in its simplicity: "Know thyself"

It sounds like the plainest of requests; heeding it should come as second nature, so why is it so difficult to give a definitive answer to why you picked a particular friend, why you chose the career path you are currently pursuing or even to questions less fraught with emotions such as why you favor the dishes of one cuisine over another? 

What Is the definition of Self-Awareness? 

You're self-aware when you possess minute knowledge of all the nooks and crannies of your individuality.

Notice that I said minute and not complete. It would be foolish to believe you could ever achieve 100% self-awareness, but you can gain proficiency, as you would when learning a language. Think of it as something that compounds: every little piece of knowledge you acquire about yourself will build up exponentially on the path to ultimate freedom (from suffering, the outsized influence of others, from your fears etc). 

Wait. Does self-awareness imply that one's personality is fixed and should be treated like a textbook to be studied and mastered? No, not really.

While it is always in our power to change for the better, harnessing self-knowledge makes the process easier. Understanding where our thoughts and reactions are coming from can help us unlock the positive behaviors we wish to develop. It's not that other ways aren't possible, it's that they are far less efficient. 

What Is Gained Through Self-Awareness and What Are The Perils of a Lack Thereof? 

First of all, it's not selfish to dedicate an important chunk of your time to getting to know yourself better: it will make you an even more decent human being and this indirectly makes the world a better place. There. It had to be said. Now let's look at some of the other benefits of gaining that precious self-knowledge, as well as the pitfalls of failing to do so. 

The Benefits of Self-Awareness

  • It makes you the architect of your own existence. Everyone wants to be happy and serene. What that means on a day-to-day basis is an individual question that self-awareness can help you define. 
  • Self-awareness helps you understand what motivates you at your very core - this includes positive drivers as well as avoidance behaviors. 
  • It is a tool you can use to troubleshoot failed self-improvement experiments. Say you want to write a book, but you're also a procrastinator. By understanding that your avoidance stems from perfectionism and a fear of failure instilled in you from a young age, you are far more likely to be able to rationalize getting to work when you're tempted to just put it off. 
  • It improves your relationships with others because it allows you to establish healthy boundaries and to establish what you are looking for in a partner.  
  • You will make better decisions and you will become a better leader. Every choice you make will have a better chance of being one you can live with. Misery ensues when you can't. 

The Risks of a Lack of Self-Awareness

  • You will spend your life living someone else's dreams. Yes, that's harsh, but it's true. If you don't know yourself well enough to always optimize for your own happiness and growth, you will be an easy target for the self-interested. They will sell you on an ideal life (glamorous or not) that fits their goals rather than your own. 
  • You will never reach your true potential. Even if you do know where you're headed, failing to understand how to course correct effectively means you might never get there.  
  • You will take a reactive stance towards your existence, rather than an intentional one. You'll deal with problems as they appear, always fighting to put off the most recent fire and inevitably end up feeling like you don't have a single moment to spare for yourself.
  • As AI gets smarter, you'll lose your humanity. Your smartphone will end up knowing more about you than you know about yourself. Don't believe me? Listen to this

How Can You Become More Self-Aware?

Maybe I've convinced you that you need more self-awareness to become the best version of yourself, or maybe you're just willing to try to increase yours cause it can't hurt. Either way, you'll need a couple of ideas on how to develop it quickly. 

  • My first suggestion comes straight out of the Stoic playbook. If Marcus Aurelius - a busy Roman emperor - could get a better grip on himself by journaling, so can you. Spend a few minutes in the evening analyzing the events of the day and write down how they made you feel. Ask yourself what triggered the specific emotions and whether the life you are living aligns with your values and deepest desires. Reflect on what changes you could make to get closer to that elusive tranquil existence. They don't all have to be realistic or immediately actionable. Give yourself the space to understand what you need and why you need it. (And if you're busy, at least commit to doing this once a week. You'll still see some benefit.)
  • Analyze the behavior of others (without judgement). Whenever you find yourself thinking that you would have acted differently than someone else in a certain situation, stop and ponder what makes you different from them. What life experiences, values or beliefs cause you to react in a certain way? Not only will you gain empathy for those around you by backtracking their decisions, but you might also stumble on the defining moments that make you who you are today. 
  • Look towards the patterns in your life. Everyone has a few things they're hung up on. From relationship deal-breakers to obsessions of how to fold your laundry or style a PowerPoint presentation, our most authentic selves shine through our habits and routines. Imagine yourself without them and try to reverse-engineer how you acquired them.

Gaining self-awareness is a lifetime practice. I make sure to spend at least a few minutes a week training this philosophical muscle. If you need some inspiration, I'm posting the week's prompt on social media every Saturday to keep myself accountable and to help you on your journey. Follow me using the links below:

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Yes, the featured image was created with Midjourney, in case you were wondering, 
The text was, however, written by a human. (A human who can’t draw.)

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